Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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