come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
