i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
