So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
