Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
