i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
