Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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