I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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