I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
