Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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