I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
