Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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