therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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