nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
