Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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