Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
