OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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