Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
