My liver just broke up with me...
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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