i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
