So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
