I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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