About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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