didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
