Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
