Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
