I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
