im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
