so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
