It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
