Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
