i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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