STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
