her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
