I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Randomize
