He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
