i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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