First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
i out mim tonsoeep
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