somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
