I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
false alarm, still single
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