Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
