my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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