he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
