she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Dicks are not precious.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
