I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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