Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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