My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
