I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
