$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
