Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
