No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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