u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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