you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
